The Value of Saying No!

No is one of the hardest words for me to say yet I that it is necessary if I want to keep some degree of control over my life. 

With the Holiday Season fast approaching I've always tried to make sure that we find a way to say yes to all the family, friend and other events that come our way.  That was fine when there were only two of us, but when the holiday season starts on Thanksgiving and ends on January 23 it isn't realistic to say yes to everything for any family.  Instead I'm saying no to some activities based on flexible guidelines my other half has agreed to.  These guidelines are meant to help keep everyone in our house happy, especially the four year old.  The guidelines include things like:

1. No more than one event per day - Our apologies to the London Post Adoption Support Group but we have a family Christmas out of town later the same day.

2. No evening events on school nights unless they are school or current extra-curricular related.

So far this is working and the people I'm saying no to our understanding of the decision.  I feel less stressed as a result.  Based on our history of over-scheduling my husband call home the other day to make sure he read the calendar correctly because a couple weekends in late November had nothing scheduled. 

No is also being used more frequently when it comes to presents and discretionary purchases.  I have a really good friend whom my mom calls the sister I never had and have no issue getting together with her for coffee on a regular basis or exchanging gifts for Christmas and Birthdays.  On the other had I have an acquaintance I only talk to once every few months and our children don't really know each other so I don't feel comfortable doing a gift exchange with her family.


The dilemma of gifts for teachers and service providers recently came up in our house with a lot of confusion.   The lady who started off as my daughter's teacher in September recently left on maternity leave and instead of giving her a gift we did up a special card for her.  The replacement teacher started the beginning of December and we won't be giving her a either but rather a really nice Christmas card.  This is a no that I feel has no lasting effect on anyone in the long term.

Lastly we're selective about the fundraisers we participate in at school.  I have no issue buying my daughter or others books and magazines through the school, but draw the line at buying for the sake of getting stuff just so the school can get a 1% return.  I was torn on this for a short period of time until my husband said if it is something you were already thinking of buying then go ahead, otherwise pass.

In conclusion, saying no isn't the end of the world.  Yes you might have an initial feeling of guilt but that passes fairly quickly.   To paraphrase a friend  you need to do what is right for you and your family at a given time.